unfair.

you know it's unfair because it's only me having this crush on him. like when can i ever be brave and tell him upfront saying that i like him. like it will never happen. why? because im a scaredy cat. i'm scared i'll get rejected. i hate getting rejected. just imagine if i were to tell him, and he said no. i'll be awkward with him and can't pull some inside stupid jokes with him ever again. cos that was how i got to be close with him. but other than work, i don't know what he does outside. is it weird that if possible i want to be a part of his life. but would he want to be a part of my life. like hello. even my room's a mess what's more my brain and heart. it's a disaster. i really want to be a part of his life. is he eating well? is he doing good at school? like if he wants to rant anything about school. bam! i'm the best listener for you. i'll sit with you feed you some food and make you get over your stress from school. i don't want to be only seeing his face every once in a month. i need your face for my motivation throughout my life. i'm so stupid right now. a lot of people saying we look good together. you don't know it. why? because i'm only looking at you without you realising. i'm only talking about you without you realising. there might be other girls looking at you right now, but i want to be the lady of your life. i sound like i'm greedy. but hey, only you that's i'm being greedy about. no one else but you. and i only manage to rant at this blog which no one will ever read.

Trip. (2)

So, my mum now knows your existence in my life. I just had to tell her about you. I know you will never ever read this shitty blog but here I am confessing that I have an official liking towards you. I need to tell you how important you gonna be in my life even if you don't know it. I'm going on a trip and definitely the first person I'm gonna miss is you. what are you doing to my life? nothing of course. you don't know that I like you. That stare tho.

Trip.

I'm going on a trip in cute blue Axio to Cameron highland. And I swear I'm gonna miss you more than you were working lesser during your school semester. I'm gonna miss you more because I don't even  know why. I will just doa that you know that I miss you more than anything ever. That 5 seconds direct stare while talking to you, I will remember it. That 5 seconds laughter you made, I will remember it. That 5 seconds whine you did because of the aircon, I will remember it. That calm face.

Nothing happened.

NOTHING HAPPENED AND I FEEL SOOOOOO FREAKING HAPPY.

Worry.

I should stop worrying about when i should get married.

Yes. Now is the time where the topics of marriage comes into my life. When it comes, it comes. But of course, with doa.

I have someone in mind but we did not have much progression. Take it slow. They say.

I already have you in my mind, and i am trying my best to show it to you. But what exactly are you trying to show me?

Your nice clothes? I appreciate it.
Your nice pants? I appreciate it.
Your nice watches? I appreciate it.
Your nice hairstyle? I appreciate it.

But i want emotions. Feelings. How am i supposed to know what you are feeling when you pour it to another person? And i get a vague answer because not all of the stuff you tell that person, she will tell me. Why? There are secrets. And i feel like i do not have the right to listen to that secret. It will be like abusing one's trust.

And i also know, by me writing here, which no one will ever read my blog, nobody can know what i want or need from you.

It's okay. As long as i get my feelings out in this manner. I will always return back here.

When was the last time that i actually write about someone. The past posts will be a lesson for me. Things that i should not repeat to you.

I promised you that i will be understanding. I am understanding your friendship with that person. But please do not go overboard with my patience. You have your limit, i have mine.

But as per normal, i do not even know what is my limit. Just know that when i start to burst, that is my limit.

For now, sabr, ya Zuliana.

Universal feeling.

Let's write something before I continue watching Coffee Prince Episode 11.

I dont like this feeling at all. I dont even know how to put it into words. Just that kind of feeling. Universal feeling, I'd rather call it.

This universal feeling is so annoying that I get hungry and and then emotional. Like there's butterflies in my tummy. That kind of emotional feeling.

When did my English was this good? It has been bad ever since I don't know when. I don't like this feeling. Let me repeat...wait, no!

Waiting for something to come rolling to me is obviously impossible. Without effort, nothing will come to you. Big talk, huh? That's me. Just sit and wait. Wait and sit. I don't like this universal feeling.

WHEN WILL IT END???????!!!

(ps: the picture has nothing to do with the post. just nice food i took nearly a year ago.)

((pssssss: who would even read this))

What is what

Lapar and lapar and lapar and lapar and lapar and lapar and lonely and lonely and lonely and lonely and lonely and lonely.

#MarchBlogChallenge Day 5

5) Favourite movies you never get sick of watching.

Basically, old P. Ramlee movies. It reminded of my late grandparents. Thats it. The rest are for me to know and for you to find out (if you even care).

#MarchBlogChallenge Day 4

4) Best childhood memory.

I remembered that at my PAP "still-under-renovation" playground, I was the unofficial first player of it. My dad said I crawled under the nets to play in there. He had to go under and caych me and made me go to school. Im such a badass.

#MarchBlogChallenge Day 3

3) What makes me happy.

3 sets of friends.